Fast Forward Two Years

It’s been over 2 years since my last entry. Since then, we have had another child and are currently separated, again. We are not speaking of divorce right now, but we shall see.

I’m okay. I’m not devastated. I think we need this time apart to grow up and learn to love each other properly. I’m hoping we can form a friendship and rekindle our relationship.

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Almost 14 Months Later.

It has been nearly 14 months since my husband told me that he no longer wanted to be married.

In those 14 months, I have moved, found a job, bought a car, moved into my own apartment, and I am being my own woman.

2 days shy of our one year anniversary of being separated, my husband asked to be with me. I hesitantly accepted.

Here we are, 2 months into resuming our marriage and we are living together, and trying to be better people by communicating more and making decisions together.

Please continue to pray for us.

Small Update

Since my husband has told me that he wants a divorce, doesn’t love, me and doesn’t like my character, I have moved almost 5000 miles away with my children. 

The children and I are doing well. I’m still looking for a job and I’m living with a family member until I can provide better for myself. 

My husband is supporting me financially and we only talk when necessary. 

Please continue to pray for us. 

I stopped doing…

I stopped doing The Love Dare because my husband doesn’t appreciate it. In the movie, Fireproof, I know that the message is to keep going, but I do not want to do something that causes my husband irritation. 

My husband has been adamant about not wanting to be married or to be a husband. We have agreed upon a legal separation and I have agreed to move back to our home town. 

The kids and I will be moving almost 5000 miles away from him and I’m okay with that. 

My husband seems confused, unsure, and hesitant, but he remains firm on his decision. We will see what comes of this separation. 

All I can do is continue to pray. There are a lot of other facts that I could state, but I don’t feel like going into too much detail. 

Aside

The Deployment Love Dare- Day 25

Day 25: During Deployment “Love Forgives”

What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ. — 2 Corinthians 2:10

The authors of The Love Dare declared today’s dare to be the toughest in the whole book. They write, “Forgiveness has to happen, or a successful marriage won’t.” (p. 121) I recall hearing that “what a marriage takes is two good forgivers!” What this means is that good marriages aren’t ones in which there is never any hurt, never any disappointment, never any betrayal, never any mistakes . . . . but marriages which follow 1 Corinthians 13:5 which says, “(Love) keeps no record of wrongs.”

How important is forgiveness? The authors say, “When you forgive another person, you’re not turning them loose. You’re just turning them over to God, who can be counted on to deal with them His way . . . It’s about freedom.” (p. 123) And we can add that it is about peace. Carrying around the burden of unforgiveness is especially dangerous during deployment because it can cause distractions and guilt. Misunderstandings can be so common when you are geographically separated—we must always be in a posture of grace, thinking the best of each other (Day 7).

Easier said than done? Perhaps, but it’s worth it if you can day-by-day surrender the arguing, the winning-and-losing, the rehearsing of wrongdoing, the scripting of grievances—and let God do what He promises in Romans 12:19, “’Vengeance is Mine, I will repay’, says the Lord.” This does not mean that things don’t get addressed that need to get addressed. “It just clears you of having to worry about how to punish them.” (p. 123) This is not a simple issue, and more will be said in days to come. But try the dare—you might feel like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.

Here is today’s dare during deployment: Say “I choose to forgive” and mean it.

I appreciate Mary Dixon Lebeau’s writing in “My Love Dare Journal: Part Two” for Day 25: “. . . .well, I’m always one argument, one suspicion, one hurt away from ripping open old wounds all over again. Why? Well, I guess the truest answer is that it hurt . . . . But as a Christian, I believe I am forgiven. I have confidence that the blood of my Savior has washed away my sins—not just covered them with red, but cleaned my soul white again. So if the perfect God is willing to do this for me, how can I deny forgiveness to a fellow struggling sinner?” Mary and her husband took the dare—so can you.

Here are Scriptures to encourage you in truth:

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. — Ephesians 4:32

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. — Colossians 3:13

 

I really should start reading the dares in the morning instead of at night. I did not say, “I choose to forgive you” today, but I did have a very good conversation with my husband. We both apologized for some things and we both forgave each other without saying so. 

The Deployment Love Dare- Day 24

Day 24: During Deployment “Love vs. Lust”

The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever. — 1 John 2:17

Adam and Eve had everything they needed in the garden of Eden. Yet Eve was deceived, Adam joined in, and they broke God’s command. The progression was such an example of our sin—from eyes to heart to action, then shame and regret. Like Adam and Eve we have been supplied with what we need for a full life, yet we want more. We struggle with contentment with what we have. We say, “I would be happy if only I had ________.”

Lust operates like that. Our eyes see something forbidden, and our heart turns to desire for that person or thing. And it grows . . . . lust leads to more lust. And instead of filling us, it empties us and can destroy our marriage.

Time for a reality check. In The Love Dare it says: “It’s time to expose lust for what it really is—a misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill. Lust is like a warning light on the dashboard of your heart, alerting you to the fact that you are not allowing God’s love to fill you. When your eyes and heart are on Him, your actions will lead you to lasting joy, not to endless cycles of regret and condemnation.” (p. 117)

On the FamilyLife website you will find excellent articles by Dave Boehi entitled “Marriage Memo.” Recently his posting was entitled, “Breaking Free From the Trap of Pornography.” You can follow the link and read this helpful teaching, but let me summarize that he writes about five steps for dealing with the trap of pornography: 1) Confess Your Sin; 2) Make no provision for the flesh; 3) Find an accountability partner; 4) Build biblical truth into your life; 5) Begin to rebuild your marriage.

His conclusion gives hope: “God will honor each small step of obedience you take. He has the power to change your heart . . . to help you experience the joy of a cleansed heart . . . to wash away your sin and guilt and shame . . . and to help you experience oneness again with your spouse.”

Here is today’s dare during deployment: It’s time—do it now. Remove every temptation to lust. Replace it with truth from the Bible and your heart turned towards His pure love.

It is interesting to read Mary Dixon Lebeau’s “My Love Dare Journal” to see what she had to say about Day 23 and 24. On Day 23 she wrote, “This one was tough for me. First, I couldn’t really identify anything I do or have that steals my affection from Scott. So I asked him what he thought I had in my life that hindered our relationship, and he said I don’t give the relationship priority when it comes to time.” I thought that was interesting—she went to her husband to ask him what he thought was drawing her away from him. On Day 24 she added, “Since I don’t have a lust to end right now, I’m going to pray that God helps me end my judging way. Let me come to a full realization that no disobedience is worse than my own, and that I need to depend on my perfect Lord to heal me and help me.” Good words. Thank you, Mary.

Here are Scriptures to encourage you in truth (in conjunction with Dave Boehi’s list above):

When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long. — Psalm 32:3,4

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. — 1 John 1:9

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts. — Romans 13:14

. . . and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. — Ephesians 5:21

All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. — 2 Timothy 3:16

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. — Hebrews 13:4

The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; He who would destroy himself does it. —Proverbs 6:32

For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God. — 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. — 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word. — Psalm119:37

 

This dare is pretty simple for me. 

He Doesn’t Love Me

I don’t have the strength to get deep into this, but the gist is: my husband doesn’t love me, he doesn’t like my character, and he doesn’t want to see me when he gets home. 

Am I in denial to think we can fix our marriage with therapy or should I suck it up and try to pick up the pieces in my life?

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